Sundays...church, dinner and time to think. Today I'm missing my mom. She died 10 years ago, I am still not free...from guilt & shame. I wonder if I'll ever be. I wasn't the kind of person I should have been at her death. I loved her but it made me so sad to see her. I was young and tired of all the responsibilities that became mine. She died when I was 24, became ill when I was 8. I unlike my younger sisters have good memories of her when I was young. She had parties, dressed us in the cutest clothes, spent time playing with us...we loved her. We always will.
In 1980 she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Her type was chronic progressive, she never had a break from the disease. A year or two after diagnosis we were driving downtown to get new Easter Dresses and we had a car accident. She not wanting to hurt anyone decided to stop driving. As time went on she became weaker and weaker til the time came where we could no longer take care of her needs. She entered a nursing home and it wasn't long before she died.
I miss mom in special times like my wedding and in quiet times like now. I am happy for her that she is no longer a prisoner in her own body. I mourn her still, but it goes unnoticed except to me.
Mom I love ya.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Missing Mom
Posted by Susie at 1:29 PM
Labels: melancholoy
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5 comments:
Okay.... why do you need to make me cry! We've talked about it many times but as hard as it was to endure everything we did it made us who we are. I would love to say I wouldn't change it cause I would... in a minute. Not to take away the burden from myself but from her. Also just to have her here with us now would be more than I could ever wish for in a lifetime. But we had someone pretty amazing in our presence for a while and we need to be thankful for that.
What a touching post. At least live with the knowledge that she is free and you will get to see her again. It is so good to hear from you!! I have missed you!
Touched to tears, my friend.
It is comforting to know that she is beyond her pain and is watching over your littel gal. It is soooo understandable to miss her. I lost a brother 20 years ago. I feel that he is watching over my Tate.
Hugs
Lisa
(((hugs))) friend. I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you. Hope today you're able to remember the good times you shared with your mom and how much she loved you.
more ((hugs))
Hugs to you. Remember the good times and allow those memories to comfort you.
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