Missing Mom

Sundays...church, dinner and time to think. Today I'm missing my mom. She died 10 years ago, I am still not free...from guilt & shame. I wonder if I'll ever be. I wasn't the kind of person I should have been at her death. I loved her but it made me so sad to see her. I was young and tired of all the responsibilities that became mine. She died when I was 24, became ill when I was 8. I unlike my younger sisters have good memories of her when I was young. She had parties, dressed us in the cutest clothes, spent time playing with us...we loved her. We always will.

In 1980 she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Her type was chronic progressive, she never had a break from the disease. A year or two after diagnosis we were driving downtown to get new Easter Dresses and we had a car accident. She not wanting to hurt anyone decided to stop driving. As time went on she became weaker and weaker til the time came where we could no longer take care of her needs. She entered a nursing home and it wasn't long before she died.

I miss mom in special times like my wedding and in quiet times like now. I am happy for her that she is no longer a prisoner in her own body. I mourn her still, but it goes unnoticed except to me.

Mom I love ya.