Friday, November 18, 2011

"The Light at the End of the Tunnel"

So here we are...it's 2011, I am a different person living a life that is different than before. I am a changed person from over 5 years worth of waiting, wanting, wishing and hoping. I as well as most of the people who have adopted from China, have felt the desperate pull of knowing you will have a child, but when? Where? How?

I am now seeing the light at the end of this heartbreaking, dark difficult struggle to have a baby. My life is on the brink of a new change and I am extremely giddy at the thought that I will finally have my child in my arms.

I am also terrified, scared, antsy and nervous about whether I be patient and kind, will I love unconditionally, will I teach correctly...will I be a good mother?

Many have said that when you feel your baby in your arms for the first time, that it erases all the heartache, the uncertaintity...the long wait. I hope this is true!

I cannot wait to hold my child, and I'm certain I will make her cry because my emotions seem to be uncontainable at this point. I wonder if all the China adoptive mom's still read blogs, but now I understand how you were feeling at the time I met you. It is overwhelming to see your hope and dream coming true right before your eyes.

I am rambling now, but I wanted to express my feelings as I haven't written in the blog for a long while now.

My dreams are coming true. Thanks to all who have discussed the different things that bring with an international adoption. Your knowledge and advice has gone a long way with me and it will also go forward in the future as we bring our little baby home.

9 comments:

Glinda said...

This is very much like the post I wrote when my mother's intuition was in overdrive, I could feel the winds of change carrying peace and calmness to my heart. Enjoy the moment. It doesn't get any better than this!

Andrea said...

I just love you my dear friend. You will be the most amazing mother ever!

Catherine said...

You're going to do wonderfully! Your heart will take over and you'll know that in a heartbeat, you'd wait every second over again just to hold this child....your child, in your arms!!! SO excited for you! Cannot wait to celebrate your referral with you!!!

Kim said...

Can't wait to see her in your arms.
hugz..

Polar Bear said...

I had those same 'worry' thoughts right before referral. For me it was about shoes. I worried about how I would know what size shoes to buy. Hahahaha!

It all comes together. The best advise I was ever given was, 'follow your mama instincts'. I can tell you, several times I have had to follow mine and those instincts have never let me down.

The wait does become a distant memory. Being on this side of the wait I can say that I would do it all over again knowing what I know now. Our little man is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know how China does it, but they truly do find the perfect match just for you.

I cannot wait to follow along as this ridiculously long journey finally ends and a new chapter begins for all of you!

Hugs!

S.

Lori said...

I am so excited for you! I think the Lord does prepare us and we start "nesting" in weird ways. For "Polar Bear"... I had the same worry every time we went to Haiti to visit our kids ("American 2 year olds wear this size, but what does that mean for a Haitian orphan of the same age???")

Your in my prayers.

L

Brooke said...

Beautiful post but too vague...give it to me straight girl! Did you get your referral????????

Lisa~~ said...

You are going to be a wonderful Mom and I can't wait to see you holding your little girl.

Krista said...

Polar Bear said everything I wanted to say. All of that your feeling is normal. Panic sets in right before referral. Can you believe after this wait we all say we're not ready? LOL! Totally normal. Just a fear of the unknown.

I'd wait all over again. You never forget the pain of it. But it doesn't hurt anymore once you have your little one.

Friends used to tell me "We can't explain to you how to do it. You just figure it out. Trust us. You just figure it out as you go..." and they were so so right. So don't worry too much. You'll get it.

Can't wait to watch your journey unfold!