Showing posts with label chinese adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chinese adoption. Show all posts

Sunday, July 25, 2010

New Hope...

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...

I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said, "Can you give my one good reason not to quit?"


His answer surprised me...

"Look around, He said, "Do you see the Fern and the Bamboo?"

"Yes, I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo."

He said "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.

I would not quit."

He said "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.


I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."


He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?" I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."


He said "The bamboo had a different purpose than the Fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful."


"Your time will come, "God said to me." You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked?

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned."

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."



Monday, July 27, 2009

A Giveaway!

I just wanted to say that there are so many cool people in this world. I wish I could meet every one of them. I recently met one of these great people. Her name is Circe. Her sister-in-law is a wonderful artist and is having a fun giveaway. Visit her at Come Fly Over My Cuckoo Nest and enter to win.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Pretenses....

I am so tired, so very very tired of waiting for my girl. I know there are many of you out there that have waited longer than I have and my hat is off to you, but I am slipping. Scott and I have disscussed for months now how we just have to hang on, we are over the hump and on the downslope now, but I don't know if I can hang on much longer.

Everyone that asks how long now doesn't know it and doesn't mean it, but they open the raw wound in my heart and then I am left to stitch it back together again. When people say Wow that is a long time..I feel like saying "I know it, it's a lifetime, it's MY lifetime." I am trying to live a normal life...live my life with nothing held back but that is just a pretense. I wonder "Am I living my real life?" "the one I am supposed to live?"

I smile through the pain, the thoughts of years gone by and years yet to come haunt my dreams. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up and stop waiting. Maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother...

Next month marks 3 years and I will stop counting the days of my life as they pass me by. It's too difficult, too painful. If she is meant to be, and I am meant to be her mother she will come.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

What was I thinking?

I completely and totally forgot that it was July now. That means it was my 35th month LID not my 34th!!! I am so happy and now on cloud nine. Not like it means less of a wait, but hooray for us 35 months down!!!!


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another LID down!

Happy 34th month LID to us! We made it this far...so we're in it for the long haul!!!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

My heart is full...but it still aches

Last night we were lucky enough to attend a BBQ filled with some of my favortie people. Local adopters and some good out of town friends. I will post the pictures and stories later, but I snapped one photo that touched our hearts and here it is.


Someday soon Lyssie Lou, it won't be a dream any more and it will

be your sister you will be holding.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Orphanges please...do it right!


Orphanage investigated, officials punished over baby adoption scandal in SW China
http://www.chinaview.cn/index.htm 2009-07-03 21:15:53

Print
GUIYANG, July 3 (Xinhua) -- A joint work team including family planning, civil affairs, police and disciplinary officials are investigating a scandal in which babies were sent overseas from southwest China's Guizhou Province for adoption, an official told Xinhua Friday.
Yang Jiesheng, deputy secretary general of the Qiandongnan Prefecture government and deputy head of the work team, said that the public orphanage in Zhenyuan County was suspected of violating rules in accepting so-called abandoned babies.
Orphanages are supposed to take in abandoned babies after someone declares the finding of an abandoned baby and the declaration is confirmed by police. In the Zhenyuan case, at least three babies were taken away from the homes of their relatives or even their own parents.
The orphanage has taken in 81 abandoned babies since June 1995,of which 60 were adopted by foreign families, said Han Hui, deputy secretary of the Communist Party of China (CPC) committee in Qiandongnan Prefecture.
The orphanage was awarded 3,000 U.S. dollars for each child placed with a foreign family.
Meanwhile, six local party and government officials have been punished this week for their roles in the scandal, Han said.
Wang Daohua, former assistant head of Jiaoxi Township, Zhenyuan County and now head of the work committee of departments under the CPC Zhenyuan county committee, was dismissed from post for "direct liability," Han said.
The township's deputy head Tian Rongbao, the head of the township's family planning office Tian Shiwu and family planning official Shi Guangying were demoted, she said.
The township's former party chief Pan Jianguo received a serious warning and the then government head Wu Changqing received a demerit for "leadership responsibility."
Han said the prefectural Party disciplinary commission received a report in February that three babies were missing in Jiaoxi Township.
Initial investigation showed that Jiaoxi family planning officials sent three baby girls from different families, whose parents violated the nation's family planning rules in the pursuit of a male heir, to the county's orphanage in 2004. Two girls were then sent overseas for adoption in 2006 and the other in 2007.
The families could have been fined thousands of U.S. dollars for having an extra child, which is an unbearable burden for many families in the impoverished Guizhou Province.
In rural China, families are allowed to have a second baby if the first is a girl. However, some families keep on having babies until the birth of a boy.
One of three baby girls was the third child in the family of Li Zeji. Li had two girls before her and one girl and one boy after her.
Li would not pay the fine of 40,000 yuan (5,865 U.S. dollars) brought forth by the birth of the girl, so he sent her to his cousin when the baby was 36 days old in March 2004, according to media reports.
Li's cousin told local family planning officials, who found the girl at his home, that the girl was abandoned. The girl was then sent by the officials to the orphanage on April 20, 2004 and adopted on Jan. 7, 2007.
The second baby girl went through a similar experience before she was adopted at the age of three on Dec. 10, 2006.
Family planning officials also persuaded a mother to give up a baby, who was then sent to the orphanage and adopted at the age of three in December 2006.
It was not known how much the family planning officials benefited from the adoptions.
Editor: Bi Mingxin
I am so so sad to hear that this has happened. I know that this does not usually happen, but this is one reason why we've all waited so long. I want a legitimate adoption. I don't know what I would think or do to find out that my child had been taken from her home and placed for adoption. Please please pray for China.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My thoughts become focused

Today Scott and I were able to fulfill a temple assignment at the Mt. Timpanogos temple. It was a beautiful day and the tulips were all waving softly in the wind. We were able to participate in doing some sealing ordinances especially of families. I was struck by the beautiful words and the wonderful blessing that it is to be sealed forever as a family.



As we wait for our daughter my mind and spirit looks so forward to this moment when I look into my child's eyes and know that she will be mine forever.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Excuse me?? Now I'm really mad!!!


Okay....deep breath....deep breath....


Stupid, stupid swine flu

you really make me want to do

something really really bad

'cause now I can't put my toes in the sand.


My vacation is a complete mess

and my mind is full of stress.

We were headed to the Rivera you see

such fun and excitement, now it just won't be.


Astoria Oregon? No, no way!

That place doesn't have a sunny day.

Seattle? What? Not in the plans!

where's my beach and where's my sand?


Where will my sunshine be?

My scuba dive, the palm trees?

Gone, gone, gone it's just all gone...

No, I know it's just plain wrong.


What about all the babies waiting, waiting

All the families that were celebrating!

Now to wait again it seems so unfair

Those waiting mommies are becoming bears!


Watch out swine flu

take flight, run away...

There are lots of us that are saying

NO WAY!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Am I Mystified or Mortified?

I was told since the beginning of our paperchase to not put much stock into RQ, and to just know that our child was coming. Well, RQ recently posted the projections and other not fun stuff and I just don't know how to feel about all of this. Right now we have been waiting for Emma for 2 years and 7 months to be precise. Referrals now are at a 36 month wait. Things have slowed down in China adoption referrals and nobody really knows why. I don't think I complain very much, but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that people who were logged in earlier (say March of 2006) are getting their referrals now at 36 months and that my LID in August of 2006 would be 41 months later????

Okay check me if I'm wrong but 36 months referrals are happening now in 03/09. RQ predicts that if the CCAA does what it has been for the last 3 months (which is approximately 3 day batches per month); that I will receive my referral in 09/2013!! Which is by my math 41 more months. Am I insane??? That will increase my wait of 12-18 months (which was the estimate in the beginning) to 72 months....or in other words....6 YEARS!!

I honestly know that Emma is in China, or will be in 3 more years...but I can't help but feeling disappointed, feeling a little stupid, sad and perhaps a bit misguided. I shouldn't have put all my eggs (not literally...snort) in China's basket. I will be into my 40's before I should see Emma and while I know that lots of you are older and adopting, it just wasn't my plan. I guess I can always adjust to thinking about becoming a parent at an older age, I was just hoping that Scott and I could blend the family (Lyssa Lou and whomever came into our home) into one semi-close in ages family. I guess it just wasn't meant to be this way, and while I still hope that things will speed up, I'm just not so sure they will. If by some miracle the CCAA matches on average of 10 days per month I just might get my referral around July 2010. I guess I will hope and pray for that!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Life is bittersweet...what lessons do we learn from it?

As I feel like I am on the cusp of a new life with my husband and bringing our Emma home, I am anxious, happy, giddy, impatient and very excited. I know we will probably wait at least another year but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is very satisfying to feel that.
What about the opposite side of this coin? My SIL lost her sweet boy in December and although outwardly she looks fine...I wonder how she is inside. She was an excellent example to us of strength and unwavering faith. I am now following a blog that has touched my heart deeply. It is Gracie's Blog she is a little baby that has HLHS (hypoplastic left heart syndrome). Her sweet and valiant mother and father said goodbye to her this morning and what a heart wrenching beautiful bittersweet thing it was. I hope you all take some time to look at this blog and see what one little girl did for so many people in just under one year.
People that overcome the odds (sometimes not by beating them, but by choosing how to live) are my greatest hero's.
Goodbye Gracie Gledhill
My life has been touched by yours.