Am I Mystified or Mortified?

I was told since the beginning of our paperchase to not put much stock into RQ, and to just know that our child was coming. Well, RQ recently posted the projections and other not fun stuff and I just don't know how to feel about all of this. Right now we have been waiting for Emma for 2 years and 7 months to be precise. Referrals now are at a 36 month wait. Things have slowed down in China adoption referrals and nobody really knows why. I don't think I complain very much, but I just can't wrap my head around the fact that people who were logged in earlier (say March of 2006) are getting their referrals now at 36 months and that my LID in August of 2006 would be 41 months later????

Okay check me if I'm wrong but 36 months referrals are happening now in 03/09. RQ predicts that if the CCAA does what it has been for the last 3 months (which is approximately 3 day batches per month); that I will receive my referral in 09/2013!! Which is by my math 41 more months. Am I insane??? That will increase my wait of 12-18 months (which was the estimate in the beginning) to 72 months....or in other words....6 YEARS!!

I honestly know that Emma is in China, or will be in 3 more years...but I can't help but feeling disappointed, feeling a little stupid, sad and perhaps a bit misguided. I shouldn't have put all my eggs (not literally...snort) in China's basket. I will be into my 40's before I should see Emma and while I know that lots of you are older and adopting, it just wasn't my plan. I guess I can always adjust to thinking about becoming a parent at an older age, I was just hoping that Scott and I could blend the family (Lyssa Lou and whomever came into our home) into one semi-close in ages family. I guess it just wasn't meant to be this way, and while I still hope that things will speed up, I'm just not so sure they will. If by some miracle the CCAA matches on average of 10 days per month I just might get my referral around July 2010. I guess I will hope and pray for that!