So here we are...it's 2011, I am a different person living a life that is different than before. I am a changed person from over 5 years worth of waiting, wanting, wishing and hoping. I as well as most of the people who have adopted from China, have felt the desperate pull of knowing you will have a child, but when? Where? How?
I am now seeing the light at the end of this heartbreaking, dark difficult struggle to have a baby. My life is on the brink of a new change and I am extremely giddy at the thought that I will finally have my child in my arms.
I am also terrified, scared, antsy and nervous about whether I be patient and kind, will I love unconditionally, will I teach correctly...will I be a good mother?
Many have said that when you feel your baby in your arms for the first time, that it erases all the heartache, the uncertaintity...the long wait. I hope this is true!
I cannot wait to hold my child, and I'm certain I will make her cry because my emotions seem to be uncontainable at this point. I wonder if all the China adoptive mom's still read blogs, but now I understand how you were feeling at the time I met you. It is overwhelming to see your hope and dream coming true right before your eyes.
I am rambling now, but I wanted to express my feelings as I haven't written in the blog for a long while now.
My dreams are coming true. Thanks to all who have discussed the different things that bring with an international adoption. Your knowledge and advice has gone a long way with me and it will also go forward in the future as we bring our little baby home.
Friday, November 18, 2011
"The Light at the End of the Tunnel"
Posted by Susie at 2:25 PM 9 comments
Labels: adoption wait times
Friday, February 26, 2010
Will wonders never cease?
Posted by Susie at 5:03 PM 7 comments
Labels: adoption wait times
Monday, November 23, 2009
1200
Posted by Susie at 6:01 PM 3 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, peace
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Pretenses....
I am so tired, so very very tired of waiting for my girl. I know there are many of you out there that have waited longer than I have and my hat is off to you, but I am slipping. Scott and I have disscussed for months now how we just have to hang on, we are over the hump and on the downslope now, but I don't know if I can hang on much longer.
Everyone that asks how long now doesn't know it and doesn't mean it, but they open the raw wound in my heart and then I am left to stitch it back together again. When people say Wow that is a long time..I feel like saying "I know it, it's a lifetime, it's MY lifetime." I am trying to live a normal life...live my life with nothing held back but that is just a pretense. I wonder "Am I living my real life?" "the one I am supposed to live?"
I smile through the pain, the thoughts of years gone by and years yet to come haunt my dreams. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up and stop waiting. Maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother...
Next month marks 3 years and I will stop counting the days of my life as they pass me by. It's too difficult, too painful. If she is meant to be, and I am meant to be her mother she will come.
Posted by Susie at 2:38 PM 10 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, chinese adoption, uncertainty
Friday, July 3, 2009
Orphanges please...do it right!
Orphanage investigated, officials punished over baby adoption scandal in SW China
http://www.chinaview.cn/index.htm 2009-07-03 21:15:53
GUIYANG, July 3 (Xinhua) -- A joint work team including family planning, civil affairs, police and disciplinary officials are investigating a scandal in which babies were sent overseas from southwest China's Guizhou Province for adoption, an official told Xinhua Friday.
Yang Jiesheng, deputy secretary general of the Qiandongnan Prefecture government and deputy head of the work team, said that the public orphanage in Zhenyuan County was suspected of violating rules in accepting so-called abandoned babies.
Orphanages are supposed to take in abandoned babies after someone declares the finding of an abandoned baby and the declaration is confirmed by police. In the Zhenyuan case, at least three babies were taken away from the homes of their relatives or even their own parents.
The orphanage has taken in 81 abandoned babies since June 1995,of which 60 were adopted by foreign families, said Han Hui, deputy secretary of the Communist Party of China (CPC) committee in Qiandongnan Prefecture.
The orphanage was awarded 3,000 U.S. dollars for each child placed with a foreign family.
Meanwhile, six local party and government officials have been punished this week for their roles in the scandal, Han said.
Wang Daohua, former assistant head of Jiaoxi Township, Zhenyuan County and now head of the work committee of departments under the CPC Zhenyuan county committee, was dismissed from post for "direct liability," Han said.
The township's deputy head Tian Rongbao, the head of the township's family planning office Tian Shiwu and family planning official Shi Guangying were demoted, she said.
The township's former party chief Pan Jianguo received a serious warning and the then government head Wu Changqing received a demerit for "leadership responsibility."
Han said the prefectural Party disciplinary commission received a report in February that three babies were missing in Jiaoxi Township.
Initial investigation showed that Jiaoxi family planning officials sent three baby girls from different families, whose parents violated the nation's family planning rules in the pursuit of a male heir, to the county's orphanage in 2004. Two girls were then sent overseas for adoption in 2006 and the other in 2007.
The families could have been fined thousands of U.S. dollars for having an extra child, which is an unbearable burden for many families in the impoverished Guizhou Province.
In rural China, families are allowed to have a second baby if the first is a girl. However, some families keep on having babies until the birth of a boy.
One of three baby girls was the third child in the family of Li Zeji. Li had two girls before her and one girl and one boy after her.
Li would not pay the fine of 40,000 yuan (5,865 U.S. dollars) brought forth by the birth of the girl, so he sent her to his cousin when the baby was 36 days old in March 2004, according to media reports.
Li's cousin told local family planning officials, who found the girl at his home, that the girl was abandoned. The girl was then sent by the officials to the orphanage on April 20, 2004 and adopted on Jan. 7, 2007.
The second baby girl went through a similar experience before she was adopted at the age of three on Dec. 10, 2006.
Family planning officials also persuaded a mother to give up a baby, who was then sent to the orphanage and adopted at the age of three in December 2006.
It was not known how much the family planning officials benefited from the adoptions.
Editor: Bi Mingxin
Posted by Susie at 11:23 AM 1 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, china adoption, chinese adoption, legality, orphans, scandals
Monday, June 15, 2009
Another missed LID!
Posted by Susie at 10:16 AM 5 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, china adoption, cute kids, LID, referrals
Saturday, May 30, 2009
DO NOT MESS WITH MY FRIENDS!
I'm sorry but I have kept my mouth shut far too long. I have seen acquaintances and friends with mean and hateful comments posted on their blogs under the cloak of "anonymous" way too much.
There were some unsolicited comments posted to my friend's blog who is in China right now picking up the most precious thing in her life (her child). People wonder why this world is filled with wars, hate crimes and inhumanity...it is because of simply hateful awful people. Live and let live, geez is that so hard to do. Apparently these people know everything about everything and they were the perfect picture of an adoptive parent...I think not.
Keep your nasty, inaccurate and unsolicited opinions to yourself. Did you forget how to play nice in Kindergarten???
Posted by Susie at 5:45 PM 7 comments
Labels: adjustment, adoption wait times, china adoption, friends, Tate
Saturday, May 9, 2009
See ya later.....
Posted by Susie at 12:56 PM 4 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, mother's day, mothers, vacation
Monday, May 4, 2009
We cool
Posted by Susie at 6:06 PM 4 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, china adoption, LID, referrals
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Excuse me?? Now I'm really mad!!!
Posted by Susie at 12:14 PM 8 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, beach, chinese adoption, referrals, sand, scuba dive, swine flu, TA, vacation
Friday, April 17, 2009
Time,Time,Time...See What's Become of Me
Posted by Susie at 3:13 PM 5 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, china adoption
Monday, April 13, 2009
Yeah, well it's been happening lately...
#32 and some eye candy!Posted by Susie at 7:06 PM 8 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, china adoption, LID
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
It's a dog's world!
On another note. My littlest niece Avery came over this morning for a little visit while her mom went to the dentist. She was extremely excited to play with our dog. She just couldn't get it out of her head though that Buster is not Ace's name. So while Ace was excited to play with a new pal...he was quite confused about who this new guy Buster was. Kids are really funny!!
Avery
Ace a.k.a Buster
Posted by Susie at 3:47 PM 6 comments
Labels: Ace, adoption wait times, china adoption, nieces
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Another one bites the dust

Thirty months logged in with the CCAA!!!
On another note, I love my neighborhood. Everyone has a different neighborhood some are better than others, but ours is great. We have met wonderful people over the 6 years we have lived here and we wouldn't change it for the world.
Last night we were "Heart-attacked" by some of the kids in our neighborhood who are around Lyssie-Lou's age. You should have seen the huge cookie-eatin' grin on her face when we found the goodies. I'll post a few pic's for you to see.
Posted by Susie at 10:41 AM 5 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, china adoption, LID, neighbors, valentines day
Monday, February 9, 2009
Adoptive Mom Craziness
Posted by Susie at 8:41 PM 5 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, car seats, china adoption, craziness
Saturday, January 10, 2009
2009?!
I really hope we will see Emma by the end of this year, but I also know that when we see her depends entirely on the CCAA.
I wanted to say hello to the friends I don't see very much any more. They feel like home every time I'm able to spend time with them and I appreciate each of their individual impacts they have made on me. Nelly, DeAnn, Brooke...You guys are great. Please know that I think of you often. DeAnn, I will always have your back, no matter what you need. I know you have the inner strength to beat all the difficult things that you face.
On another note all of the fun people I met back in the summer of 2006 at a big blog party are now starting to receive their referrals. It's amazing to see this. I am so happy for you all, I shed tears of joy when I see your little ones and I wish you all the best in the future.
The Hubs and Lyssie Lou did some Utah redneck sledding and I've got some cute pictures to show. Hope you all enjoy!!
Posted by Susie at 4:37 PM 4 comments
Labels: adoption wait times, baby, china adoption, LID


